


Pitch black

by Otaku_hoe



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Chanwoo Has Jokes, Fluff, Hand Jobs, I'm Bad At Tagging, Jiwon just wants love, Love at First Sight, M/M, Mild Smut, kinda angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-04-21 09:10:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14281647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Otaku_hoe/pseuds/Otaku_hoe
Summary: Jiwon never wanted to find his soulmate. He despised the idea of whatever unlucky person was destine to be with him forever. It's not like Jiwon hates soulmates, it's just that Jiwon hates his soulmate.***Soulmate au in which everyone has a black patch of skin where their soulmate is destined to first touch them and turns a galaxy of colors when they do.





	1. Chapter 1

Black

It's always only been black. Everything in Jiwon's life was black. The handprint on his face, black and prominent as the night sky, an icy frostbite that has been there since birth. From the tip of a thumb that barely brushed over the cupid's bow of his lip, to the pad of a pinky that caressed just under his ear, everything has always been black.

The mark was destiny's way of saying that Jiwon was fatted to piss off his soulmate so bad that they slap him. It was one big message that no matter what Jiwon did, he would always fuck up. He was always supposed to be that person who says the wrong things way too often. He was  _always_  supposed to be a fuck up.

In school kids would always pick on him. They would call him out for being a freak. Their own marks were all small and in normal places, black spots dotting arms and legs and never on their faces. Jiwon would go home crying and his mom would be there to pick up the pieces.

It wasn't until middle school that Jiwon started to cover his mark up. The shame of being an outcast, being shunned by his classmates, having been the driving factor. Jiwon's own mother disapproved of the idea of covering it. She always said that the print would build character, but Jiwon didn't care. He was tired. Tired of being the butt of every joke, being the sight of comic relief amongst his classmates, tired of  _being the mark_.

***

Years later and Jiwon still covers up. Foundation is a must when he goes out. Jiwon couldn't risk anyone seeing him for the freak he is. It's his junior year of college and no one knows where his mark is. When asked, Jiwon plays sheepish and says that his mark 'isn't family friendly', laughing it off to redirect the conversation. It always works. People are either too nieve to question it or not really that interested. Either way, Jiwon doesn't care.

His breath fogs the mirror as he looks into his own eyes. The handprint steals his attention. Jiwon's gaze locking on it as he begins to trace the outline. His finger traveled from fingertip to fingertip, grazing the palm with a feathery touch. Jiwon's thumb came to rest on his top lip and he sighed. Looking at his mark was always a painful experience for Jiwon. He would remember all the times he spent crying, pleading for this mom to just homeschool him. He would remember the first time he swore off finding his soulmate for good. People were always too cruel and his hope always too small.

Jiwon shook off his thoughts and applied his foundation. It was a tedious task, making every part of his skin match the rest and still covering up the bad. Jiwon put on a white shirt and a pair of sweatpants and made his way to the kitchen. It was just around noon and Jiwon had promised to meet his friends for lunch. With an exasperated sigh, Jiwon pocketed his keys and started walking.

He would be late, as always, but that was his thing. He was the one with poor timing, Jinhwan was the sensitive mother, Hanbin the protective father, and Chanwoo the annoying little brother. Everyone had their own little character flaw and Jiwon would rather his be timing than anything else (a handprint covering half of one's face to be specific). None the less, Jiwon makes it to their regular cafe and is not the least bit bothered.

"Jiwon!" Jinhwan's voice cut through the cafe like a knife, sharp and piercing, "We told you to be here by noon! Do you know what time it is? No? Go ahead and check your phone and tell us."

Jiwon smiled that goofy smile of his as he took out his phone, "It's almost one," a pink blush sets across his face as he takes his place in a seat between Chanwoo and Hanbin.

"You better be glad that we love you. If anyone had the nerve to stand us- _me_ up as often as you do, I would never talk to them again. Do you realize how lucky you are?" Jinhwan huffed and crossed his arms.

"Sorry," Jiwon's smile is set into place again, "I was in the shower."

"For almost an hour?"

"Ye-"

"You know what they say about a guy that showers for too long," Chanwoo interrupted with a smirk, "How long have you been single, hyung? A year? Two?"

"Chan!" Hanbin let out a shocked gasp, which wasn't really necessary. He should be used to Chanwoo's sharp tongue and witty insults that always sounded too nice to be mean.

"If you're so worried about my love life, why don't you just date me?" Jiwon gave a cheeky wink and made kissing sounds in the younger's ear.

Chanwoo, in response, gagged. He made a face of mock horror, his hand flying to Jiwon's face in a playful slap. Jiwon has traced his mark enough times to know where Chanwoo's hand rests. His breath hitches and it takes him a moment to calm his nerves and remember that the younger's own mark is on his right hip and there is no possible way that Chanwoo could be his soulmate. That doesn't stop a bitter taste from forming in his mouth.

The rest of their late lunch goes smoothly after that. The men laugh and joke and complain. They talk about annoying classmates and strict teachers. Chanwoo is in the middle of a long-winded story on how everyone in his film theory class has clearly never seen a movie in their life when Jiwon's eye catches something. Or someone for that matter. A tall man standing at the counter, his hands are covered by gloves and he wears a white turtleneck sweater. The man has plump lips that curve upwards with every perfectly pronounced syllable that slips his mouth. He has strawberry pink hair and dark piercing eyes.

Jiwon as never seen anyone so beautiful in his life. He studies the man's figure and gets the sudden itch to sketch him. He curses himself for leaving his house without a way to draw. He knows by now that inspiration strikes randomly and he feels dumb for forgetting his sketchbook. There's just something about the man that sets that inspiration itch off. He does his best to imprint the image into his mind, trying to save this moment to put it to use. He stares, totally lost in his own mind to be aware of his surroundings. As far as Jiwon is concerned, there is nothing besides the man to be aware of.

"Jiwon! Are you even listenin-" Chanwoo tried saying, honorific being left in favor of chastising his elder for not listening.

"Who's he?" Jiwon interrupted with a point to the beautiful stranger.

"Him? That's Junhoe. We have a couple dance classes together." Hanbin raised his eyebrows in question, "Why?"

"He's hot," Jiwon practically drooled.

"You're not his type," Hanbin deadpanned.

"What do you mean? I'm everyone's type!"

"Not Junhoe's. You're too hyper for him. I heard he only dates other dancers. He would never date an art major. Just thinking about it sounds downright outrageous."

Jiwon sunk into his seat. His pout was big and his eyes were sad. He watched Junhoe walk out of the cafe and out of his life. Jiwon was never a 'love at first sight' type of person, but seeing Junhoe was a whole different story. Jiwon just wanted to touch every soft curve of his face, every sharp edge of his body, and every tight muscle that made him.

Jiwon can't sleep that night. He tosses and turns and all he can think about is Junhoe. His mind goes from the black gloves he wore to the white fabric that stretched the expanse of his broad shoulders. He thinks about strawberry pink hair, golden in the sunlight and sweet in the dark. Jiwon imagines what the other would smell like, vanilla and honey. He imagines that Junhoe would have soft skin and can't get the image of them holding hands out of his mind. When Jiwon finally does fall asleep it's around two in the morning, and he has the faintest taste of vanilla clinging to his tongue.

***

Black

Junhoe loved the color black. Everything in his universe revolved around black. The pitch black that inhabited his hand, a dark mystery that held hope and has always been there. The pitch black warmth that covered every finger, from tip to tip and down across his palm. His mark held promise, held hope, held a future that was easy to distinguish. Black was a color Junhoe could always depend on.

Since Junhoe could understand the concept of soulmates, he knew that his mark was special. It was like he was destined to be hand in hand with his soulmate from the beginning. He was supposed to find his soulmate and everything would be right with the world because as long they held his hand then Junhoe would be alright and the world wouldn't be such a bad place after all.

In school, kids were always fascinated with his mark. Those with handprints of their own would excitedly show him and they would match up marks. They would always come up blank, the marks stayed black but Junhoe would always stay hopeful. He would never turn down another classmate's request to try (try again sometimes because the mark could have made a mistake the first time) because who knows? Anyone of them could be his soulmate.

After high school, Junhoe made the decision to start wearing gloves. It wasn't that Junhoe was ashamed of his mark, no he was far from ashamed. He just couldn't let his mark distract him anymore. He had gotten accepted into the college of his dreams and he was determined to not let anything ruin this. His mark was his future, sure, but so was college and college won't last forever.

***

Junhoe stepped into a small cafe. He was on his way to his study group (which was really his way of hanging out with his friends but not letting them know he wanted to hang out because he couldn't let their heads become too big) when he decided to get something to drink. He was tired beyond belief and he needed a quick pick me up.

He headed straight to the counter and ordered his usual vanilla latte. He waited patiently as the workers made his drink. Looking down at his phone, Junhoe noticed he was going to be late. He let out a silent curse and sent a text to the group chat. He was never one to be late. Ever. Most of the time Junhoe was early, and he hated himself for waking up late.

Junhoe let his eyes wander as he waited. He looked at the people in the building. There were some couples each seated in their own corners. They stared into each other's eyes and whispered loving sentences. There were students with laptops and notebooks, a father and his daughter deep in a conversation about her first-grade class, and a group of friends sitting in their own world. They laughed and caught up and were happy.

Junhoe noticed that one of the members of the group of friends was staring at him. He eyes were dark and unwavering. The man's white shirt exposed a small portion of his chest and collarbone. His hair was a dark shade of brown that caressed his sharp jawline. He wore a far-off expression and a smile that exposed small bunny teeth.

The man was beautiful. He was breathtaking in a way Junhoe had never seen before. Quickly, Junhoe turned away. If the man were to have caught him staring, Junhoe would die of awkwardness. His cheeks turned pink and he felt warmth spreading across his neck. When his drink was finally done, Junhoe took it with a bow and practically ran out of the shop.

The walk to his study session was filled with thoughts of the stranger. He couldn't help thinking about his cute little bunny smile, or his defined chest muscles. Junhoe thought about what his voice would sound like. Thought of all the ways he would say his name. Junhoe thought of what the other would taste like if they were to kiss, like bitter coffee and chocolate. Junhoe's mind raced with every possible situation they could be involved in. Of sweet whispers and feather-like kisses. Of warm hands on warm skin. Of date nights and watching lame romantic comedies and eating greasy takeout.

Junhoe knew he was getting ahead of himself. He didn't even know the man's name for god's sake and he was already planning their dates. It was crazy, Junhoe was never one for love outside of his soulmate, but something about this stranger drove him crazy. Junhoe had never dated because he couldn't think of anyone being better for him than his soulmate who he had yet to find. And still, Junhoe could see himself with the stranger and it made him feel weird.

"Fuck me," Junhoe groaned as he sat down with his friends. Donghyuk and Yunhyeong were mid-kiss and they looked up startled. The soulmate pair were always in their own world and startled easily.

"What happened now?" Yunhyeong said with a slight cough to clear the tension.

"I just saw the most beautiful man in the whole world and I can't stop thinking about him," Junhoe sighed as he set his head on the table.

"I'm flattered, really, but I don't think Donhyuk would appreciate you hitting on me. Considering the fact that he's my soulmate and all-"

Junhoe cut off the older with a punch to the shoulder and began explaining the cafe experience. He told them of dark eyes and dark hair. Of a bright smile and slender fingers. He talked about a deep Adam's apple that held the promise of an equally deep voice. He spoke of soft looking skin that he craved to touch. The words spilled out of his mouth rapidly and sometimes jumbled, but his friends understood it all. They always understood Junhoe no matter how mixed up his words became and never got mad at him for doing it.

"It looks like you have a crush," Donhyuk said when the other was finished.

"A crush?" Junhoe had never had a crush before and this certainly didn't feel like what he had imagined it to be.

"Yeah. You're totally whipped for the guy and you don't even know his name. You have a huge crush on him, dude."

"I have a crush," Junhoe said with a sense of finality. Donhyuk was always right and if he said that Junhoe has a crush then he has a crush. A little blush set back on Junhoe's face as he thought about the other's words. He has a crush for the first time and he has no idea what to do or how to handle it. Maybe Junhoe's soulmate would understand that he likes someone else for the time being and maybe just maybe they won't be too upset that Junhoe needed someone while he waits. Junhoe should feel guilty but he doesn't. No, he can't when all he can think about is the taste of coffee and chocolate.

***

It doesn't take Jiwon long to notice that Junhoe is everywhere. He sees him in the halls and on the street and even a few times in his usual cafe. Jiwon even sees him when he's not even there. His lungs fill with vanilla and he can't help but want to go and confront the man. Jiwon just wants to run his fingers through that silky hair that drove him crazy. He wanted to kiss the man, yell at the man for following him, and to just devour him whole.

Jiwon tries drawing. He really does, but everything looks like Junhoe. He would subconsciously draw the dip of his dimples when he smiled, the scrunch of his eyebrows when he writes, and even the spaced out look he got when thinking. It's slowly making Jiwon insane. He feels like he's drowning. Every breath he takes feels like he's falling deeper and deeper into the black abyss that is Junhoe.

Junhoe is perfect. He is talented, funny, and in no way, as awkward Jiwon is. Junhoe is everything Jiwon isn't, and no matter how hard Jiwon can try he will always be less than the other. Junhoe is the immortal withstanding image of beauty. Where he is gentle and soft, Jiwon is loud and clumsy, where he is beautiful, Jiwon is as ugly as the mark that hides under his makeup. Junhoe is unachievable and Jiwon can only sit on the sidelines and appreciate him from afar.

Jiwon can't remember the last time he felt like this. He doesn't even know if there ever was a time he was this in love with another person. Sure Jiwon loves his family, his mom was the first person ever really there for him, but Jiwon was never _in love_. Even though Jiwon has dated people in the past none of them had ever had this big of an impact on him. None of them left this big of a hole in him. 

Suddenly it becomes too much. Jiwon has enough and he just wants to do something. Anything. He stands from his usual seat in the library and begins to walk towards Junhoe. The other is sitting with two men that look oddly familiar and all Jiwon can think about is how bad of an idea this is. His heart pounds as he nears the three men. He thinks of turning back and forgetting this ever happened. His stomach churns with anxiety and Jiwon wants to vomit but he has to do this. He has to at least try and get the virus that is Junhoe out of his system before it becomes too late.

Sitting in the only empty seat at Junhoe's table, Jiwon stares into dark eyes behind pink hair. Jiwon had interrupted the men midconversation but he couldn't care less. There was no going back now that he was here. Jiwon was going to do this and there was no escape from this grave that he had just dug himself. For a moment everything was silent. None of them knew what to say. Nothing seemed right to say in this situation.

"I'm Kim Jiwon and I want to sketch you for my winter final. Text me if you're interested," Jiwon said cooly as he scribbled his number on a nearby napkin. He was surprised by how even his voice came out and thanked the gods for having mercy on him this one time.

Jiwon didn't even wait for a response as he left. If he had stayed there any longer he would have lost his cool act. As much as Jiwon liked to think he was a badass, he really wasn't. In fact, Jiwon was an awkward ball of anxiety that probably couldn't have done this if his body wasn't running on adrenalin alone.

Later that night Jiwon lays awake staring at his ceiling letting his mind run wild. He couldn't believe he had done it. Jiwon got to speak to the man that had driven him wild for almost a month and he didn't make a total fool out of himself. A wave of giddy excitement washed over him as he looked at the pitch blackness above him. Jiwon really did it. He did the impossible and he didn't regret it. For once in his life, Jiwon had done something right. For once Jiwon didn't fuck up.

It was nearing two in the morning when Jiwon heard his phone chime. His heart pounded in his ears as he looked at the message.  _I'm interested_. Those two words were enough to make Jiwon light headed. He shot a quick message and fist pumped the air. His excitement overpowered his tiredness and he wasn't even mad. Jiwon had the strange urge to save the other as  _'vanilla boy'_  in his phone before falling asleep.

***

Junhoe looked over the text again and again. He felt like he was suffocating. His throat clogged with the taste of Jiwon's words. The other had been so cool when giving him his number and again when texting him back. Junhoe burned their conversation into his mind. Burned the way Jiwon's adam's apple bobbed with every word, the way Jiwon didn't think twice before leaving. Burned the way Jiwon couldn't bother to get his name and looked perfect. Junhoe memorized Jiwon's voice and how he pronounced his words. The sentence was short and brief but Junhoe would forever remember it because for him nothing else was ever said better before that.

Junhoe sat in the cafe where he first saw Jiwon. The two men had planned to meet here and he was more than nervous. Junhoe didn't know how to talk to people. Feelings and things of that nature were never really his thing so what was he going to do? What would he and Jiwon talk about? Would they even have anything in common? Junhoe had only ever spoken to him once so it would be logical that they didn't share personality traits. Junhoe is a dancer and Jiwon an artist, are those two things too different to get along?

Junhoe spaced out. He thought of everything that could go wrong. Of ruining his chances with Jiwon. Of this entire meeting being a train wreck. Junhoe didn't want things to go wrong. No, he wanted more than anything else for this to be perfect. He wanted to see Jiwon's bunny smile and feel his rays of happiness directed towards him. Junhoe wanted to know how his skin felt and how his hair parted. He wanted to know what types of things ran through the other's mind and how articulated them. Junhoe wanted this day to be as perfect as Jiwon and knowing that that might not happen, he was ready to burst with anxiety.

A thud on Junhoe's table was what finally pulled him out of his daze. He looked up and was met with a messy-haired Jiwon. The other was smiling slightly, crooked teeth showing and looking absolutely bunny like. Junhoe's breath hitched as he took in Jiwon's appearance. He was wearing a huge sweater that engulfed half his body, a pair of loose fitting jeans, and a baseball cap. Even while wearing such a lazy outfit, Junhoe thought Jiwon was the most beautiful person he had ever seen.

"Anyone sitting here?" Jiwon's voice was as cool as ever, his toothy smile never leaving his face.

"N-no. Go right ahead," Junhoe scrambled to remove his coat from the chair as his voice cracked.

Jiwon, Junhoe learned, was easy to talk to. Or rather listen to, because he never stopped talking. Junhoe didn't mind though, he would really rather have it this way. Like this Junhoe was sure to not say the wrong thing. He just listened and drank his coffee as Jiwon talked and drew. Junhoe took this opportunity to fully study the other's face. He noticed the way Jiwon's mouth curved when he traced a line just right. Noticed the slight cut in his eyebrow that raised as he looked up. He noticed that the other smelt faintly of autumn spices and warmth.

Junhoe wanted nothing more than to just reach out and touch Jiwon. He wanted to feel the sharp jawline that made his face. To run his hands through hat covered hair and just go crazy. He wanted to feel how Jiwon's lips would fit on his and to finally be able to know if Jiwon really did taste like chocolate and coffee. But Junhoe couldn't. Jiwon wasn't his and he could possibly  _never_  be his.

"I hope your boyfriend doesn't mind me using you for my final," Jiwon broke Junhoe's concentration as he looked up.

"I don't- I don't have a boyfriend so it's fine," Junhoe didn't know why, but thinking about someone other than Jiwon being his boyfriend made him slightly uncomfortable. It's not like they were even dating or anything, but it still made his skin crawl, "But I do have someone that I like."

"O-oh." Jiwon's cool composure was lost in that moment. He looked at Junhoe for something. His gaze was harsh and piercing. Junhoe couldn't decide if he liked it or not but one thing was for sure, he wanted Jiwon to look at him like this more often. It was hot and set a fire to him like no other before. Junhoe licked his lips and felt his cheeks heat up. When Jiwon finally looked away, he seemed satisfied with what he had been looking for. Junhoe couldn't tell why it happened or how it happened, but there was a sort of unspoken tension that clung to the air.

"Hey, Jiwon?"

"Yeah?"

"Why," Junhoe started with a sigh, "exactly did you want to draw me?" Junhoe was nervous for some reason. Like Jiwon's answer was going to be the difference between breathing and not.

"I only draw beautiful things." Junhoe let out a breath he hadn't even known he was holding. He nodded and looked through his pink hair.

If Jiwon noticed the red tint that had set into his cheeks, he didn't say anything.

***

Things after that became easy. Junhoe would talk to Jiwon almost daily. They would text about nothing and everything. Jiwon had the worst sleeping schedule of anyone Junhoe had ever known. Some days Jiwon wouldn't respond to a text Junhoe had sent at noon because he was sleeping, and other days Junhoe had to explain to him that 4 am wasn't a normal time for average human beings to be awake.

Jiwon was a mystery to Junhoe that revealed too much but somehow never enough. For example, Jiwon was a firm believer in aliens, but he didn't believe in dinosaurs. He believed in God but not the bible. Jiwon never gave reasons for what he thought and believed in but Junhoe learned not to question him. It was easier to just redirect the conversation than have to hear Jiwon circle around the question for hours and never answer it. Junhoe had gotten confused enough times to know that he should just avoid getting into conversations like that with Jiwon.

Junhoe had also learned that Jiwon wasn't exactly perfect. Jiwon was a mess. He barely brushed his hair and never ironed his clothes. He was always late (which he found out from the many many times he thought he had been stood up) and never apologized. Jiwon wore clothes two sizes too big for him and swam in the fabrics. He had crooked teeth and a crooked smile, but Junhoe couldn't see him as anything less than perfect. Jiwon made him laugh in ways that not even Yunhyeong or Donhyuk ever could. Jiwon made him feel special and like he was the only person in the world that mattered. Jiwon made Junhoe feel safe and like nothing in the world could truly hurt him. Junhoe felt  _whole_  when he was with Jiwon.

"So," Junhoe interrupted the silence of the room, body slightly moving to the dismay of Jiwon, "I have this showcase next week and like you should go."

"I would've thought you'd invite your crush or whatever," Jiwon's voice was tight and something about it brought a tension to the room and sent shivers down the other's spine. 

"I-" Junhoe took a moment to calm his nerves. His palms started sweating as he tried swallowing thickly, "am," and it's not a lie. Junhoe is inviting his crush. Jiwon just didn't have to know that it was him. 

"Oh."

"Please, Jiwon. Please come," Junhoe's voice almost cracked but he was quick to control it. Junhoe had been practicing so damn hard and he wanted more than anything to see the finished product. He needed for Jiwon to say yes. To accept so that his hard work wasn't a waste. Junhoe's heart feels like glass, fragile and so easily broken. He feels like he's suffocating on and almost chokes on the taste of bittersweet coffee but there's nothing he can do to stop it, "I want you there. Please, Jiwon." 

"Yeah, okay."

The tension was still there, but Junhoe could finally breathe again. He sunk into his seat again and watched as Jiwon drew him. The other's hand seemed to be shaking with every stroke of the pencil. It was as if Jiwon was going to fall apart and Junhoe couldn't understand why. It was Junhoe's heart on the verge of breaking, not his. Jiwon was supposed to be the composed one of the two. He was supposed to be calm because he was clueless. His ignorance should be saving him from the collapse of his world. Jiwon wasn't supposed to look this wrecked but Junhoe couldn't do anything about it.  

Jiwon doesn't belong to Junhoe. 

***

"Yeah, okay," Jiwon's heart sped up. He knew this would hurt him. He knows that by agreeing to this he was setting his heart up to break, but he couldn't help it. Junhoe sounded so broken when he begged Jiwon. It was like he was exposing his heart to Jiwon, dance is something Junhoe takes more seriously than anything in his life, and who was Jiwon to let the younger down? 

Jiwon went back to his portrait. His hand was shaking as his senses filled with the overwhelming presence of vanilla. Jiwon's vision began to blur as he took a deep breath. He had to put down his pencil for a moment to avoid ruining his art altogether. Jiwon looked up and was met with big concerned doe eyes. Junhoe showed genuine concern for him and Jiwon's heart clenched. 

This was too much. Jiwon knew his heart couldn't handle this. He knew that seeing Junhoe with someone other than him would do so much more damage than he was ready for, but he was ok with it. Junhoe was the type of person Jiwon wouldn't mind doing anything for. Jiwon was so helplessly in love with Junhoe and it didn't even matter that Junhoe couldn't be his soulmate. Jiwon's heart already belonged to Junhoe, soulmate or not. 

Jiwon subconsciously placed his hand on his face. He ran his fingers along what would be pitch blackness if not covered by foundation. The handprint pulsed under his touch and all Jiwon could do was suppress a flinch. Jiwon wished he didn't have a soulmate. He hated that he had to be doomed to this type of fate. Jiwon didn't want to ever end up in a situation where he found the unfortunate other half of his soul. Jiwon would never be ready for that. 

***

The days come and go in a blur, but Jiwon hardly texts Junhoe. The elder was, from what their few conversations had shown, busy working on more pieces for his final. Junhoe was fine. Really. It wasn't like Junhoe had abandonment issues or anything. Okay, Junhoe was not totally fine. It hurt that Jiwon was acting distant, but at least he got him to come to his dance showcase. 

The hours slowly ticked down and Junhoe was slowly going mad with nerves. This wasn't his first showcase, but Junhoe would never be able to handle the pressures of it. Each breath hurt his lungs and his legs felt like lead and jelly at the same time. Junhoe paced and jumped and hopped but nothing calmed him. Everything felt wrong and made his skin crawled. The hours leading up to the showcase felt like an eternity that was fast as a second but longer than a lifetime. 

The location of the showcase was huge and intimidating. The stage looked out onto seemingly endless rows of seats, the carpet was a grand red, and there hung multiple chandeliers scattered around the roof. Junhoe had never danced in a place this big, nor in front of this many people. Even from backstage, Junhoe was practically pissing his pants from how many people he could see. It was dark and Junhoe struggled to see the faces in the crowd. He didn't know who was there and who wasn't. 

Soon it was Junhoe's turn. He chose to dance to some poppy American song that had a nice beat and choreographed it himself. Junhoe stood still and waited for the music to start. The first phrase of music blared and Junhoe plastered on a smile. He smugged his hand across his lips, lipstick coming with it as he followed the beat. His movements were fluid and graceful. Junhoe had a character to play while he was on stage that was dramatic and fierce. It was everything Junhoe wanted to be but was too scared to. 

The song carried on and Junhoe mouthed the words to stay on beat. His lips pronounced the foreign words sexually, each syllable fell from them like bedroom talk you never wanted your mother to see. Junhoe looked into the crowd every so often. There were people everywhere, but never had the time to distinguish one face from another before he had to continue his movements. 

The song finished with a point to the crowd. Junhoe was the last dance of the night so he took his time in catching his breath. He scanned the faces his vision could allow as he bathed in the applause. The crowd seemed to love him. There were whistles from every direction and Junhoe could faintly hear Donghyuk's voice screaming praises somewhere to his right. He breathlessly searches for Jiwon, eyes flicking across face after face. There was a brief moment where Jiwon couldn't be found, a second of disappointment drowning out the rush of his dance, but then he's there. Jiwon's voice is suddenly louder than everyone's, his arms are flailing above his head, crooked teeth showing from under a crooked smile. 

Junhoe almost ran off of the stage. His heart pounded in his ears and all he wanted to do was see Jiwon. He wanted to hear Jiwon's voice and feel his energy. Junhoe just wanted Jiwon. His steps were fast and he almost fell down the small staircase on the side of the stage. Junhoe didn't care though. Nothing mattered if Junhoe didn't get to see Jiwon. 

"Holy shit, Junhoe! That was-" Jiwon's voice was loud as Junhoe drew closer, "That was so fucking amazing!"

"You came," Junhoe's voice was a little hoarse as he tried to catch his breath.

"Yeah? Why wouldn't I have? I said I'd be here didn't I?"

"Well," Junhoe trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"Did _he_ not come?" Jiwon's voice held an implication that didn't sit right with Junhoe. Of course, Jiwon would be worried about weather Junhoe's crush was coming, but Junhoe had to say something. He couldn't lie to Jiwon, despite not owing anything to the man, it didn't feel right. It didn't feel right that Jiwon thought there was someone for Junhoe other than himself, and it didn't matter that Jiwon didn't feel the same way because he deserved to know. Even if it would hurt Junhoe's heart to get rejected by the older. 

"N-no he did," Junhoe's voice was stiff and awkward.

"Oh?" Jiwon's eyes darted around searchingly, "Where is he?"

"Standing in front of me?" The words hung heavy in the air. Tension was clinging to them and it seemed like Junhoe was going to suffocate. There was a long silence as Jiwon processed his words, confusion flicking across his face as he tried to see if there was anyone standing next to him. It seemed to take an eternity before Jiwon realized what the other had meant. His mouth hung wide open and he seemed to be lost for words. 

Junhoe made the first move. In an instant, his hand came to cradle the other's face. They were inches apart and Jiwon's breath ghosted the younger's lips. There was a searching second before the pair were locked in a feverish kiss. Their lips smashed together, Junhoe's hand was planted firmly on the side of Jiwon's face as if to make him stay there forever. The kiss seemed to last hours but only seconds before they pulled away. They stayed close, foreheads pressing together, eyes wide and unbelieving. 

It was Jiwon who moved away first. He stepped back and with wide eyes, he held Junhoe's hand. There was something that danced across Jiwon's expression, shock maybe? Disgust? Junhoe couldn't figure it out and his body filled with fear. Maybe this was the wrong decision. Maybe Junhoe had made a mistake. What if Junhoe had ruined the friendship he worked so hard to build? Everything seemed to crash around Junhoe and the silence wasn't helping.

"I'm sorry-" Junhoe began to say but was cut off by Jiwon.

"Dude-"

"I'm so so sorry. I shouldn't have done that please just forget it-"

"No, Junhoe just-" Jiwon cut in again, "Just look. Look Junhoe," Jiwon turned Junhoe's hand so the other could see. What was once pitch black was now replaced with a palm of almost milky white. There were small swirls of red and specks of green drowning in the white surrounding. It was like looking at drips of paint in each other, a mistake made into something beautiful. 

Junhoe couldn't believe his eyes. What was once a distraction now felt like something more. The thing he wanted the most in his life was now his reality. Junhoe never thought this would happen. Not really. He always assumed that he would never meet his soulmate, lots of people don't, but as he looks into the eyes that have driven him crazy since he first seen them, Junhoe knows it's actually finally happening. Junhoe finally has his happy ending. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah this took too long to make. Sorry about that lmao

Jiwon doesn't know how or why it happens, but suddenly they're kissing. Junhoe's hand rests on that familiar spot, but Jiwon is too caught up in the moment to care. He's drunk on the way it feels. Warm fingers on burning skin where two pairs of lips meet and melt together. It only lasts a moment, maybe more, but Jiwon wants it to happen again. He craves so desperately for something other than the resting of foreheads against one another. He wants to feel Junhoe again. 

It feels so right that when Jiwon finally realizes it's actually not, he wishes he didn't know the difference. Junhoe is just right. He is everything Jiwon wants. He is everything Jiwon cant have. That's why he pulls away. Stepping back Jiwon grips for a lifeline. He held Junhoe's hand like the difference between life and death. And maybe it was. Maybe he was meant to break in this moment. He was the camel, sure, but was Junhoe the straw that would finally break his back? 

Then Jiwon notices it. Junhoe's palm is no longer black. Replacing it was a beautiful mixture of white and red and green. It reminded Jiwon of the pallets he held paint on, white memories under stained moments that made up something greater. The colors were, in themselves, art. In all the years Jiwon has been painting, he has never seen something more beautiful. Not even the most expensive piece in the world could compare at that moment. 

Jiwon's face must have shown his shock, because as soon as he pulled away, Junhoe was muttering out an apology. Jiwon had to stop him. He had to make sure that Junhoe didn't believe that this was wrong. He had to let Junhoe know that this was so right they had a soulbond to prove it. It was right there, engraved with specks and splatters of color. Jiwon could only imagine what his looks like under the layer of makeup he has on. He could imagine the colors that would be there. Browns and grays because nothing in Jiwon's life of soulmates should be pretty. Nothing except Junhoe.

There was a time (or still is) where Jiwon would have rather die than to be met with the face of the person who was made for him because he was never good enough. Looking into Junhoe's unbelieving eyes, Jiwon can tell that he still isn't. Someone like Junhoe deserves a person as beautiful as him. Junhoe deserves someone that  _isn't_  Jiwon. It hurts Jiwon to know that all he will ever be in Junhoe's life is a setback. The universe had mercy on Jiwon while giving him Junhoe, but the other wasn't as lucky because they gave him Jiwon. The universe gave him Jiwon, a mistake that could only hold him back.

Jiwon knows he shouldn't feel bad. He knows he shouldn't pity his own soulmate because he ended up with him. He knows, but he can't help it. This should be a happy moment (his mother always told him that meeting your soulmate is the happiest moment of your life) but he can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of grief. Not for himself, but for Junhoe. Jiwon is fire. He destroys what he comes into contact with, and they remain there, a smoldering pile of regrettable ash, broken and oh so ruined. So as much as Jiwon hates to admit it, he knows it'll happen to Junhoe too. He knows that the younger boy will end up hurt and it doesn't matter that they are soulmates. The universe never lets Jiwon have his happy ending. 

And suddenly it's not just them anymore. The boys from the cafe that day Jiwon first talked to Junhoe are running towards them. They yell for Junhoe, laughs and smiles showing their excitement but Jiwon can't really hear it. His heart pounds in his ears as he looks at the man in front of him. Junhoe is so breathtakingly beautiful and Jiwon could possibly never get over it, strawberry pink hair poked a sweet blush caused by the heat or even the lipstick Junhoe had smudged across his face during his dance. The white noise of the river that is his blood pounding drowns out all other things until he is faced with two more faces standing by Junhoe. 

And it feels weird. Like they invaded something so intimate and secret that Jiwon feels uncomfortable. The boys are in his space, breathing his air, and hugging and kissing  _his_  soulmate. Their praise falls so easily from their mouths and Jiwon can't help but feel jealous. Junhoe was theirs and not his and that was the reality of it. It was harsh and painful like wet leather whipping dry cracked skin, but it was also the truth. Sure Jiwon was Junhoe's soulmate but no one could ever love Jiwon. He had learned that so many years back. 

"Woah Jun," one of the boys held Junhoe's hand and blinked up at him, "Is this real? Is he really your soulmate?"

And it sounds so judging that Jiwon wants to run away and vomit. They gave him those special 'him? Really?' looks that made him feel so  _worthless_ _._ It's one thing to feel it yourself but it feels worse knowing that other people think it too. Jiwon didn't know what to say, his throat dried and his tongue felt like lead. It rested hot and heavy at the bottom of his mouth as he silently cursed the universe for making him this way. Junhoe stared. He was waiting for Jiwon to answer. He was waiting for Jiwon to take the lead in this, but Jiwon didn't know how to do that. He didn't want to answer and this was an amount of pressure he wasn't ready to deal with. 

"Does it look like I would joke about this?" Junhoe, luckily, got the hint and saved Jiwon the pain of having to speak, "Problem?"

"Well, I mean it's just kind of..." One of the boys trailed off as he searched for words.

"'Kind of' what Donghyuk?" Junhoe shot back, an eyebrow raised and his arms crossed over his chest.

"It's just kind of amazing? Like you have been crushing on him for months and you guys are actually soulmates? What are the odds?" the boy, Donghyuk said in amazement, "Oh and I  _really_ thought you two fucked by now."

Jiwon felt sick. His stomach felt like it was about to explode and his chest was going to cave in right then and there. He could feel the stares of everyone, could feel the judgment from all over the room. He turned on his heal and tried to get out of the building as fast as he could. Jiwon couldn't breathe, his lips felt like the desert and his forehead was covered in sweat. The rush of cold air felt like heaven to Jiwon. It was like he was starving for that little bit of relief. 

"Hyung?"

Jiwon knew Junhoe would follow him. He knew that the younger couldn't resist the urge to check on him no matter how many signals he gave to stay away. It was one of the many things Jiwon loved about him, but right now was too much. Right now Jiwon just wanted air. He needed something that would keep his lungs from caving in and his heart from stopping completely. Everything hurt and Jiwon just wanted some space.

"Not-" Jiwon held a hand over his chest, "now. Please just leave me alone."

"Hyung, what's wrong?" 

"Please-" Jiwon gasped for air. His whole world seemed to be getting smaller and smaller. The ground was tilting and the sky falling. This was bad. Very bad. Jiwon didn't want this to happen here. Not now. Not like this. Jiwon genuinely felt like he was about to die. His chest burned and his lips felt numb and frozen. 

Jiwon made his way to the side of the building. He tried so desperately to make it to a wall. He grasped at a stable resting destination like he was reaching for straws. There was a period of chaotic silence where the only thing Jiwon could hear was the eroding crash of his own blood against his skull. Junhoe's voice was dull and drone-like but Jiwon couldn't make out what he was saying. It was too much effort. Then Jiwon was falling. He saw the pavement get closer and closer to his face. Jiwon tried to stop it. He really did, but there was no use. His legs gave out and he didn't have the energy to do anything about it. 

"Hyung!" Junhoe ran behind Jiwon and caught him before he hit the ground. Jiwon struggled against his hold. He fought and fought because he didn't want Junhoe to see him like this. He just wanted to be alone and Junhoe was just  _there_. In his space and he couldn't breathe. Junhoe didn't leave. He held the elder by the waist and wouldn't let go. Jiwon could hear him muttering something but didn't understand what he was actually saying. He couldn't hear over the sound of his heart practically exploding. 

It took a while for Jiwon to calm down. His breathing was still a bit fast but at least now he didn't feel like he was going to die. Junhoe stayed by his side whispering praises into his ear, doing anything to calm him. Jiwon leaned into Junhoe's hold, knuckles turning white from their grip on the hem of his shirt. Tears still ran down his face but he felt _better_. Jiwon felt like his world was going to be okay for just a bit longer, and it was because Junhoe held him. Jiwon felt safe in Junhoe's arms. 

"It's okay hyung. I'm here. You don't have to worry," Junhoe's voice was like silk. Jiwon felt his tension slowly melt little by little now that he could hear the younger. His voice was soothing in a way that Jiwon had never experienced before. It was like home and safety and comfort. Junhoe's voice was almost as beautiful as he was. 

"I'm fine," Jiwon struggled to get up, "Thanks for this but please can we never talk about it? Like ever again?"

"What do you mean? Hyung you just had a panic attack! How can you just pretend like it never even happened?" Junhoe held onto Jiwon tighter. 

"Panic attacks aren't something to be proud of. I don't like talking about them so please just let me go." Jiwon pried Junhoe's arms from around his middle and walked a few steps away, "Please for my sake, forget about this." 

"I'm your soulmate!" 

"I'm sorry about that," Jiwon's head tilted down in embarrassment, "I'm sorry you ended up with me."

"Hyung," Junhoe took a step forward, "Don't say sorry for fate. I'm glad I ended up with you," he grabbed Jiwon's hand and squeezed lightly, "Please hyung. Please just talk to me."

"Not-" Jiwon took in a shaky breath and leaned his head on Junhoe's shoulder, "not right now. I'll talk about it when I'm ready. Okay?"

"Promise?" 

"Promise." 

***

[Time Skip- Two Weeks Later]

"Come on Hyung! Stop hiding and let me see it," Junhoe rested his head against the bathroom door. Jiwon was insecure, yes, but he was also too stubborn for his own good. Junhoe still has yet to see his soulmate's mark and it's starting to get old. He really just wished Jiwon would feel comfortable around him. Comfortable enough to know that Junhoe would never make fun of his looks. 

"I'm not hiding! Foundation is just really fucking hard to take off!" 

"Open the damn door and I'll help you!" Junhoe chuckled as he twisted the locked door nob.

"I am actually going to kick your ass if you don't stop bugging me!" Jiwon hesitantly unlocked the door, breath shaky as he stepped out of the bathroom. Junhoe instantly thumbed at the mark on the elder's face, creamy red with specks of white danced across the fingertips of the print. It was the exact opposite of Junhoe's own mark and it was amazingly beautiful. 

It was like a perfect metaphor for his and Jiwon's relationship. Different but so scarily similar. Where Jiwon was shy and self-conscious Junhoe was outgoing and always sure of himself. Jiwon was two shots of vodka as breakfast while Junhoe was a balanced meal.  Jiwon was Junhoe's black note, dark and different in a world full of white tiles on the piano that he calls fate. 

Junhoe had spent most of his life imagining what his soulmate would look like. Imagining how their marks would match up, how their puzzles pieced together. He would picture his soulmate's face, their smile, their laugh, their  _love_. But at this moment Junhoe realizes that Jiwon is exactly what he was hoping for in a soulmate. Jiwon's smile is as wide and bright as he pictured. His laugh is low and never fails to send shivers down his back. And Junhoe likes to think that their love is what he wanted it to be. Jiwon was so perfect and Junhoe wouldn't trade him for anyone in the entire universe, and maybe that's what love is. Maybe love, for Junhoe, has always been Jiwon. Maybe it always will be.

"It's beautiful," Junhoe's tone bounces with awe as he continues gliding his fingers across the mark. 

"Jun-" 

"Hyung," something in the air changes, shifts to something Junhoe hasn't felt before, "You're beautiful." And Junhoe doesn't know why but he needed to say that. He needed to make sure Jiwon knew how he saw him. 

And they're kissing. It's not the first time but it does feel new. Something in the way their lips meet is totally different than all the times they've done it before. This feels more frantic, more desperate. The air around them feels hot and weighs Junhoe down so much he has to cling to Jiwon as to not fall. There's a buzz around them, nothing you could hear, but something like the world halting to a stop so sudden the atmosphere vibrates. 

Jiwon backs Junhoe against the bed, the younger's calves hitting the silky sheets. Junhoe's head hits the pillow as he feels the other straddle his waist. This is definitely something new. Something he wasn't expecting to happen but wants so bad now that it is. Before he knows it, Junhoe has his shirt off and flying across the room. A shiver of cold air hits his chest and it flips a switch in him. 

Junhoe's mind kicks itself into gear and he flips the position. It's his turn to be on top of Jiwon, hands finding their purchase in the brown of the older's hair. He grinds down experimentally and decides that he likes the spark he felt and does it again, and again, and again. It takes Junhoe a moment to realize what they're doing, a moment to realize how utterly destroyed Jiwon looks under him. His hips stop as he tries to catch his breath. 

In an instant, two seconds that seem too fast, Junhoe is flipped onto his back again. He feels Jiwon's hand slide down his ribs and grips his hips tightly. The brunette breathes hot, shaky moans into Junhoe's ear as he grinds his own erection down. It's so messy and frantic that it's almost suffocating.

Junhoe wants more. He whines the elder's name over and over, not knowing exactly what he wanted to happen but feeling like it was the right thing to do. Jiwon gets the hint, hands digging into the younger's pants and cupping him through his boxers. Relief rushes over Junhoe as pleasure sparks up his spine. Jiwon made him feel good, better than he thinks he ever has.

Junhoe's moans fill the room. Jiwon is barely touching him but it feels so good. The hot slide of Jiwon's hands from base to tip sends sparks up his spine, white and flaming as if amber were to dance across each plate and collum and it feels like too much. The pressure is building in the pit of Junhoe's stomach and he knows exactly what's about to happen. He knows it won't be long until he lets go and surrenders to the flashing pleasure of an orgasm. 

Then the sparks come. Junhoe's vision blurs as he screams out his orgasm, cum painting the elder's hands and his own restricting clothing. His toes curl and aftershocks climb their way up his entire body, jumpy and so violently good.  The younger's breathing settles down and he finally has time to look at the brunette above him. Jiwon's hair is a mess, sweat dripping down the sides of his face and caressing the red handprint. He looks so completely wrecked and Junhoe wishes that he could take a picture, to capture something so beautiful and destroyed, breathless and panting. Junhoe did that. He made Jiwon look this ruined and god was he proud of it. 

***

"Hyung?"

"Yeah?"

"You're beautiful."

"Go to sleep Jun."

Maybe love is finding beauty where there's none. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really bad at endings tbh


End file.
